SOME THINGS IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO LEARN

1.  It took me 45 years to figure out the ultimate response to people who say mean things to me:  "I don't give a shit what you think.  Your opinion means nothing to me."  If I had been taught that as a kid, and learned to say it with confidence, my first 30 years would have been very different.  There are things that were said to me in my youth that still hurt me to this day.

2.  It took me 40 years to figure out that all love songs written by men are actually about sex.

3.  For 50 years I thought my loyalty was a good quality, and I was proud of it.  Then I found out that strong loyalty is considered a character flaw, a weakness, because it means that I am willing to follow (or believe) blindly and not use independent critical thinking or reasoning.  I was very disappointed to learn this.

4.  It took me until 11th grade to figure out that bullies are testing us to see when/where/how we will stand up for ourselves.  One of my bullies actually said that out loud while tormenting me, "Why won't she stand up for herself?"  My junior year in high school, I got into a fight. I won the fight. All the bullying stopped. I was raised to "turn the other cheek." "The bullies are looking for you to get all upset.  If you don't react and walk away, they will get bored with you and go pick on someone else." This philosophy is totally wrong.  If I had known that ignoring them was the worst thing to do, and fighting back was the best thing, I would have fought back once at each school that I went to.  It would have made a fundamental difference in my school experience. Keeping my head down and being afraid makes you a target. Being a coward makes you a target. Holding your head up an behaving with dignity earns you respect. Standing up for yourself earns you respect. 

5.  For girls, when living in a dormitory, never invite a guy to your room for any reason, unless you want to have sex, because that's the only thing the guy heard.  ANY variation of, "Would you like to come in for a drink, coffee, to watch a movie, etc., etc. are ALL a euphemism for "Let's have sex." If you don't want to have sex, stay in public, and say good night at the car.

6.  That every woman wearing a hairstyle that seems impossible is actually wearing a wig or hairpiece. I had no idea that hairpieces were so prevalent. I wondered for years how they did that, and why I couldn't do it with my own hair. 

7.  If somebody doesn't like me, then no matter what I do, it's going to be wrong or not good enough.

RELIGION, INTOLERANCE AND VIOLENCE

Stop and think for a few minutes about what you think God is. Think about the all-power that God is supposedly capable of. Now, what ever makes you think for one second that there is more than ONE?  

There is one, and only one God. 

RELIGIONS are policies that man has made up as a means of paying homage to God.  Each culture has their own name for God, their own version of the Bible, their own Commandments, their own methods, prayers, songs, churches and leaders.  It's all regional and cultural, and it's all MAN MADE.  Just because you call the Power that created the Universe by a different name, doesn't mean that it's a different Power. Why isn't that glaringly obvious? 

There is no "one true religion."  There is no "My God and religion are the correct one, and everyone else is wrong." That's BULLSHIT.  That's MAN'S EGO. That's CONCEIT. 

To kill other people because "God told me to," or "because you follow the wrong religion" is INSANITY, pure and simple. Mankind is slowly going insane, and using religion as an excuse to justify their insane behaviors is how to not take responsibility for one's own actions. 

People have created their religions to control the masses. Then, they distorted their religions over the centuries to use it as a justification for bigotry, small mindedness, ego, greed and hate. It is not "God's Will" for any raving lunatic to go to any public place and kill people. Not now, not ever. Anyone who tells you that is insane. Do not follow the teachings and leadership of insane people. Use your REASON. No sane person blows themselves up for a cause. No sane person sets off explosives in a public place to destroy total strangers. No sane person shoots into a crowd of innocents - FOR ANY REASON.  There is no SANE reason to do anything that cold, heartless, mean and evil. Humanity's ego, greed and selfishness is driving itself insane.  I see no hope.  Perhaps a meteor that destroys all living thing on Earth so the planet can start all over would be a good thing.

A Brilliant Idea

RANDOM NEURAL FIRINGS

(Note:  I have been adding to this post at random intervals without warning.)

Things that make you go "Hmmm"

1.  How come eyebrows go crazy after age 45?

2.  How come the heating elements on electric stoves are never level?

3.  How come moths, flies and gnats can get inside a light fixture, but can never get back out?

4.  I wish there existed a thermostat that would automatically switch from heat to cool and back again according to the temperature in the house.  Example> If less than 69 degrees, go to heat. If greater than 76 deg, go to cool.  I live in Nebraska. This really is a thing.

5.  Remember when stuffed animals were machine washable and dry-able?  The exterior was a little better than terrycloth, and they were stuffed with cloth or crushed rubber kapok. Modern stuffed animals are extremely soft, and stuffed with poly-foam micro beads.  If you wash and dry it, the fur gets ruined.  It either melts, or gets funky, but it will never be soft again.  When will they invent a stuffed animal that is both soft and washable, and can be dried in the drier?

6.  I've been working and contributing to Social Security since I was 17 years old.  Now, in my 50s, I'm on Social Security disability.  I've read that the disability fund is separate and different from the regular SS fund, and that the disability fund is in immediate jeopardy of going dry. What I don't understand is why I can't use the money from my regular SS account fund for my Disability payments?

7.  I can't help but be amused by men's suit jackets.  The have to be unbuttoned to sit down and buttoned to stand up. Think about how ridiculous that is. Incessant fussing.  You'd think that the men of Authority in this world would have come up with a fashion for all of its white collar men that is comfortable and fuss-free. Why haven't the fashion designers (who are mostly men) come up with a uniform that is more practical?

8.  Actresses must be trained to never tuck their long hair behind their ears.  When I had long hair, I always had it behind my ears so it wouldn't be in my face when I looked down.  I watch actresses on TV and in movies, and no matter what they are doing, and how much their hair is in their faces, they will re-position it, but never tuck it behind their ears.  I just find that odd.

9.  Self driving cars are the answer to people texting while driving. *sigh*

Don't you just hate it when...

1.  The background and/or transition between scenes music is SO much louder than the dialog that I have to turn down the TV because it hurts my ears.  Then I have to turn it back up to hear the hushed tones of the dialog.  Using the close captioning is helpful, but still.

2.  I go to a certain amount of trouble to adjust settings on my computer to the way I want them, and then an update loads and resets functions back to their defaults.  WTF?

3.  Computer monitors simply don't function properly at larger size settings.  My favorite size is 800 x 600.  It's big.  I can see it.  Modern monitors won't let you make the size larger. Every single web page that I visit, I have to enlarge 125% so that I can read it.  

4.  The way the scroll wheel on computer mice click when scrolling.  Have checked others on display at Best Buy.  They all do it.  I use my scroll wheel a lot, and the clicking gets annoying after awhile.

5.  The default font on everything is Times New Roman, 10 point.  I use Arial 12 or 14 pt. I have to change it everywhere.

6.  Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson finally comes to Omaha, and it's for a closed, invitation-only event.  Post Secret finally comes to Nebraska, and it's at a college venue with general admission seating and limited handicapped access.

7.  Web sites (like Google and Twitter) expect everyone on the planet to have a cell phone and be able to receive texts. Not all do. Some of us still have land lines and prefer email.

8.  Socks shrink after they've been washed, especially diabetic socks.

9.  I hate it when I ask a question, and if the answer is "no," "I don't know," or "it's none of your business" the person doesn't say anything at all.  They just ignore the question.  It makes me wonder if they didn't get the email.  I'd prefer that they were honest and direct and just tell me, "No."  "I don't know."  "It's none of your business."  Ditto for, "No, we don't have it in stock."  Just tell me that, already! 

Bitchy Observations 

Parents do their children a huge disservice by teaching them that they are the Center of the Universe.  Would be better to tell them, "You are only cherished and important INSIDE this house with us.  Outside of this house, you are no more special that any grain of sand on a beach.  Nobody outside of this house gives a shit about you.  You have to learn to take care of yourself because no one else is going to take care of you."  Teach your children that they are not entitled to a damn thing, including food, shelter and clothing. If you don't learn to take care of yourself, you could very well end up homeless.
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I don't understand people who joke and/or brag about their alcoholism in public (news media, magazine interviews, social media).  Example> I followed a certain actor on Twitter for a week.  During that week he talked about drinking, getting drunk, throwing up, being hung over and needing to buy more booze - exclusively!  He didn't talk about his work at all, which is pretty much the whole point of Twitter - to promote your work.  I un-followed him.  

In my opinion, being a roaring drunk is something to be ashamed of, and therefore, hidden from the public, and especially, your boss. When you focus on booze in your social media, it diminishes your status in the eyes of your viewers. It makes them question your character.  It makes your boss wonder about your ability to come into work sober, on time, alert and ready to work. You bring negative judgement onto yourself when you brag about how much you drink and how often.

I also cringe at every movie and TV show that has characters drinking whiskey all day long: at work, at lunch, at dinner, at bars, at friend's homes - like it's freaking water.  It's as if there are no other liquids on the planet for people to drink.  I've also noticed that white collar characters drink whiskey or wine, and blue collar workers drink beer.

For the record, I don't drink.  I'm a life-long tea teetotaler, so I tend to think that everyone drinks too much.  Buy why do people BRAG about it?  And why does it have to be continuously promoted everywhere?
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I'm bothered by the concept of the "Rainbow Bridge."  The idea is that when our beloved pets die, they walk across the Rainbow Bridge into Heaven and wait there for us to join them when our time comes. That seems very sad to me. I don't want my pets waiting years for me to join them.  I want them to be running free in Heaven enjoying the sunshine and grass and flowers and other animals.  I want them to be having fun.  Then, when they get the signal that it's my turn to cross over, they will return there to escort me. I've seen stories of dogs who waited by graves or homes or bus stops for their dead owners to return, until they eventually die.  It is the saddest thing.  People take pictures of the poor dogs and post them on the internet.  What they should be doing is taking the poor babies home and giving them a good life so they recover from their grief and live. That's why it saddens me every time someone says their pet is waiting for them over the Rainbow Bridge.
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I wish the hairstyle that Justin Bieber made popular before he went gangsta would go out of style.  It's horrible and annoying.
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And speaking of hair...whenever a brunette dyes her hair blonde, I feel likes she's a traitor who went over to the enemy.

PETS IN CRATES

I'd like to strangle whoever it was who came up with, and popularized, the idea of keeping dogs in carriers or crates inside the house as a way to house train the dog.  The idea being that since the dog won't soil his crate, you can buy/adopt a dog today, put it in a crate tomorrow when you go to work, and force the poor thing to hold it until someone comes home and lets it out to relieve itself. 

This "training method" pisses me off for several  reasons:

    1.  People are abusing it.  They are keeping the poor dog in the crate even when the family is home because: 
         a.  they don't want dog hair in the house and on the furniture.  Then why did you get a dog?
         b.  They don't want to take the time to socialize and train their dog.
    2.  It's lazy dog training.  You can house train a puppy by adopting it before a weekend and putting it outside every hour to teach it that it needs to go outside to potty. Then, on Monday, you lock it in the bathroom or utility room with some bedding and disposable potty pads so the puppy doesn't have to suffer.  A puppy can't hold it for 8 hours.

People have been training dogs without crates for as long as humans have had dogs as pets.  Crate training is a new (last 10 - 15 years) thing.  I used to recommend the obedience training classes at the pet store, but now I think they are the ones teaching this crating business. It's the most easily accessible obedience classes available to the masses.

Your dog is a member of your family, not an accessory.  If you can't be bothered to socialize and interact with your dog, then you have no business owning one. It needs to go outside and play.  It needs to be taken for a walk every day. It needs to chase a ball (stick, Frisbee or whatever) to burn off excess energy.  Dogs are social companion animals.  They need to get and give love.  They need to lay at your feet, and follow you from room to room. They want to be part of your life, not trapped in a crate.

If you don't interact with your dog, it doesn't learn how to get along with people, children, guests in your home and other animals. It breaks its spirit, or makes it cranky.  Then it's your own fault when it snaps at you. It's your own fault if you think that you have to keep it in a crate when guests come over or the kids have friends in the house because it snaps or barks. Heaven Forbid if the poor thing wants to be petted and loved, or run around the yard with your kids.

What finally happened with that search for a wheelchair van

I submitted this essay to a magazine.

As If Needing a Wheelchair Wasn't Challenging Enough by Dallas Marshall

I have Corticobsal Degeneration (CBD). I have limited use of my right arm and right leg. This qualified me for a power wheelchair. The main drawback to having a power wheelchair vs. a manual one is that you can't just fold it up and throw it into the trunk of your car to go somewhere. It requires a vehicle with some sort of lift because they weigh about 250 pounds all by themselves.

There are a variety of options:

1. There are lifts that carry the chair (or scooter) on the back of the vehicle.
2. There are lifts that look similar to a lift gate on a cargo truck. You drive the chair onto the platform and dismount. It lifts the chair into the vehicle.
3. There are winch arms that swing out, lift the chair by straps and swing it into the back of the vehicle.
4. There are folding ramps that you manually lift-position-unfold-drive (without the person in it)-refold-restore. Caregiver must be able to lift and manhandle 50 pounds.
5. And there are conversion vans (full-sized or mini) that have ramps that allow the wheelchair user to drive into the van without dismounting.

The problems begin at pricing and availability. Problem #1: Conversion vans start at $50,000. Even ten year old ones are $30,000. I could only afford $20,000, and then only if they would accept two trade-in vehicles. So I looked at getting an SUV and having Option 1 above added to it. I found that I can get a used SUV with less than 50,000 miles on it for under $20,000, and the lift is $2600 installed. This was doable. Then the question became, “What sort of SUV to get?” So I called the lift dealer. It would not work on the back of my existing station wagon. Surprisingly, it also would not work on any of the brands/models of SUVs that I asked about. Then, I did some research and found out why.

Problem #2: Sport Utility Vehicles are getting smaller. A lot smaller. They started out more like big, square, enclosed trucks with 4WD or AWD. You could tow a trailer or boat with one. They had big engines and big frames, and were strong and heavy. That's why they got such lousy gas mileage. Because of the environmental concerns and the economy, SUVs are now smaller and lighter and get reasonable gas mileage. They are no longer trucks. They are more like AWD hatch-back cars. They no longer come with trailer hitches because they no longer have towing capability. And you can't mount a 142 lb lift that carries a 250 lb wheelchair onto the back of them. And the interior height is too low to fit the chair inside (plus the size of the lift mechanism itself).

So, this put us back at looking at vans, specifically minivans. Problem #3 is that you don't buy wheelchair vans at a car dealership. You buy them at a wheelchair lift dealer. They are all about the lift, not the condition of the van. They warranty and maintain the lifts. They make no promises about the condition of the van. I, then, have to take it to a mechanic to check it over to see if it is worth the amount that the lift dealer is charging. Many lift van dealers are internet national companies that will ship your vehicle to you from wherever. I'm sorry, but I want to see it, touch it, smell it, drive it and make sure it's been maintained before I shell out that much money. I am very uncomfortable buying expensive items sight unseen.

So, I said, “Fine. Let's get a regular minivan, also available for under $20K with under 50K miles and add the Option #1 lift to the back of it.” That style of lift calls for a Class II towing hitch. Remember Problem #2 above? Vans are getting smaller, too. Unless I could find a van with interior cargo room big enough to accommodate lift gate style #2, or winch style #3, it was starting to look like I was going to have to get a conversion van, whether I liked it or not.

Then, I got really lucky. The lift dealer called me back and said that someone had just turned in a 2008 minivan with 67,000 miles on it that already had the lift gate style lift installed, and that my wheelchair would fit (with the back folded down), and it was $19,700. Then we got really, really lucky. They gave us the full Blue Book value on both of our trade-in vehicles. That made the amount of the car loan very affordable.  (It is a Chrysler Town & Country Touring edition with a Bruno Joey lift).

This whole process has got me wondering. The population is getting older and living longer. More and more people are going to need wheelchairs. If vehicles are no longer produced that are big enough to handle wheelchair lifts, what are all those people supposed to do? If a person's condition is not compatible with a manual wheelchair, then how are they supposed to get to doctor's appointments? The local specialized ambulance transport charges $50 per trip. You don't want to take an ambulance to the zoo, store or restaurant. How do people of limited means afford these specialized vans? How are new wheelchair users solving these problems? 

MASS SHOOTINGS/SUICIDES - SOME INSIGHT

I want to begin this blog entry with a disclaimer: I am, in NO WAY condoning the behavior I'm about to discuss here.  All I'm saying is that I understand how a person can get to that point. 

Once again, there is a story in the news about someone shooting up a business (mall, school, restaurant, recruiting station, office, etc.) and then either turning the gun on himself, or being killed by police.  The outcry always includes the words, "Why?  What made him do such an awful thing? How does this happen?" I'm about to explain it to you. I don't expect you to understand. 

Our fundamental topic here is depression and suicide. In order to really understand what brings a person to the point of committing suicide, with or without innocent bystanders, you need to have been once ready, willing and able to kill yourself. I have walked through the darkness of depression from the time I was ten years old until I was in my forties. From age 16 on, I have thought that I wanted to die. In my mid twenties I had a plan.  I picked a method, a place and a time. I got within ten minutes of doing it when something stopped me, and I went instead into the Mental Health Clinic and said, "Help me."

Now, let's look at a person who is ready to die because he is what society calls "a loser."  A person who is not close to his family, or is an orphan, no job (or continually getting fired), no friends, no romantic relationship (or a recent break up). No one to relate to or understand him. Lonely beyond measure. Hopeless. Can't afford to get help. Perhaps has other mental health issues to where he doesn't think he needs help, and wouldn't accept it if it were offered. He is endlessly frustrated by his nobody/loser status. May be angry with the whole world because he doesn't fit in anywhere. He doesn't want to go off quietly and die where nobody notices. When a person commits suicide, there is no article in the paper, or it's very small and buried. The obituary, if there even is one, doesn't mention it. The family, if there is one, won't talk about it. It's a source of shame. The person lived and died in obscurity. Nobody cares that he died or misses him. He doesn't want that. 

When a person takes an innocent bystander with him, he gets attention. He makes the news, not just locally, but nationally. The media interviews his few family members, who are now forced to think of him and remember him - and examine how they treated him. Suddenly, he is somebody. For the first time, he's more than an insignificant grain of sand on the beach of life.  He killed somebody who wasn't a loser - somebody who had "loved ones." Someone that people will notice is gone, and miss them. Those loved ones will forever remember his name. He's not insignificant anymore. As a bonus, he may have taken with him someone who he perceived as having done him wrong. Get revenge, stop the pain, make the news equals win-win-win. He went from obscurity to historical - even if only as a crime statistic.

Sadly, while many mental health issues are treatable, that treatment takes time and money. It's not like getting over a cold. I've been receiving counseling, both with and without medication, since I was 20 years old. I'm 53. Very luckily for me, I was in the Air Force and had ready access to mental health treatment for free. Because my husband is retired from the Air Force, I still have access to treatment for a minor co-pay. Many people who suffer from mental heath issues get sporadic or no help. Many give up when they don't "get better" after a few months. Many end up in jail. Mental illness is very complicated. I wish everyone had access to help the way I did.
Edited to add Feb 2, 2019:  https://tinyurl.com/y2j7dnt4