I want to begin this blog entry with a disclaimer: I am, in NO WAY condoning the behavior I'm about to discuss here. All I'm saying is that I understand how a person can get to that point.
Once again, there is a story in the news about someone shooting up a business (mall, school, restaurant, recruiting station, office, etc.) and then either turning the gun on himself, or being killed by police. The outcry always includes the words, "Why? What made him do such an awful thing? How does this happen?" I'm about to explain it to you. I don't expect you to understand.
Our fundamental topic here is depression and suicide. In order to really understand what brings a person to the point of committing suicide, with or without innocent bystanders, you need to have been once ready, willing and able to kill yourself. I have walked through the darkness of depression from the time I was ten years old until I was in my forties. From age 16 on, I have thought that I wanted to die. In my mid twenties I had a plan. I picked a method, a place and a time. I got within ten minutes of doing it when something stopped me, and I went instead into the Mental Health Clinic and said, "Help me."
Now, let's look at a person who is ready to die because he is what society calls "a loser." A person who is not close to his family, or is an orphan, no job (or continually getting fired), no friends, no romantic relationship (or a recent break up). No one to relate to or understand him. Lonely beyond measure. Hopeless. Can't afford to get help. Perhaps has other mental health issues to where he doesn't think he needs help, and wouldn't accept it if it were offered. He is endlessly frustrated by his nobody/loser status. May be angry with the whole world because he doesn't fit in anywhere. He doesn't want to go off quietly and die where nobody notices. When a person commits suicide, there is no article in the paper, or it's very small and buried. The obituary, if there even is one, doesn't mention it. The family, if there is one, won't talk about it. It's a source of shame. The person lived and died in obscurity. Nobody cares that he died or misses him. He doesn't want that.
When a person takes an innocent bystander with him, he gets attention. He makes the news, not just locally, but nationally. The media interviews his few family members, who are now forced to think of him and remember him - and examine how they treated him. Suddenly, he is somebody. For the first time, he's more than an insignificant grain of sand on the beach of life. He killed somebody who wasn't a loser - somebody who had "loved ones." Someone that people will notice is gone, and miss them. Those loved ones will forever remember his name. He's not insignificant anymore. As a bonus, he may have taken with him someone who he perceived as having done him wrong. Get revenge, stop the pain, make the news equals win-win-win. He went from obscurity to historical - even if only as a crime statistic.
Sadly, while many mental health issues are treatable, that treatment takes time and money. It's not like getting over a cold. I've been receiving counseling, both with and without medication, since I was 20 years old. I'm 53. Very luckily for me, I was in the Air Force and had ready access to mental health treatment for free. Because my husband is retired from the Air Force, I still have access to treatment for a minor co-pay. Many people who suffer from mental heath issues get sporadic or no help. Many give up when they don't "get better" after a few months. Many end up in jail. Mental illness is very complicated. I wish everyone had access to help the way I did.
Edited to add Feb 2, 2019: https://tinyurl.com/y2j7dnt4
